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What I read: Bloomer by Anne Schlebusch

Bloomer Anne SchlebuschI found “Bloomer” thoroughly enjoyable.  It was one of those books that I read with a permanent grin on my face.

“Old folks’ kind of night.  Hello, the wee hours.  And that refers to the loo, too.  The wee hours and the wonky bladders.  Like a newborn.”

And yes, all isn’t necessarily fun and (dark?) humour, but I absolutely adored Maggie and her crew.

“You could practise being grumpy from age 60 up but the Golden Age for grumping is 70 plus.”

Now, three years after our first hard lockdown due to the COVID-19 global pandemic, I found it quite amazing of how much I forgot about what we all went through, but also how easy it was to remember, whilst reading this book.

“Maggie knew she was a Boomer.  Born 1950.  A life bookended by World War 2 and Covid-19.  Seventy years and now this damnable scythe of death.”

The story starts early 2020 and we meet the delightful group of friends, naming themselves “Invictus”, from the Hazyview Mansions retirement community.

I am ashamed to admit, I was under the impression that the Hazyview Mansions is in Hazyview, Mpumalanga.  So, it took me longer than it should have to understand why they were able to Uber to the Rhodes Memorial for tea!  Facepalm.

Living in a retirement home, this aged gang was quickly quarantined during lockdown.  Without any face-to-face contact, being isolated in their rooms, they quickly found a way to socialise, and the part where they all gear up for their first Zoom call, was one of my favourite bits in the book.  It also reminded me of what an astounding time in history we lived through.  Drive-by birthday celebrations, meeting up with family to quickly pass shopping over the gate, living in tracksuit pants.  Wow, it feels like a lifetime ago!

Whilst Maggie and Invictus navigate this scary and uncertain times, we see how the feisty Maggie starts to emerge (again).

“Maggie perked up on hearing the word “aged”.  “There.  That’s a reasonable word ‘Geriatric’ drives me crazy, and ‘elderly’ is so loosely and rudely, it seems to be.  ‘Aged’ is just a technical term.  Anyway – ‘Boomer’ Is the cutest.””

Calling themselves “Bloomers” the most wonderful initiatives and projects are initiated – with the help of loving and supportive family, friends and some of the retirement home staff.

“Maggie got straight to the point.  What about calling themselves Bloomers? It was the poppies on her leggings that had grabbed her heart.  Blooming is aspirational.  If we’re going with branding, let’s get blooming!” 

“They looked at each other and enjoyed a chain of grins.  They liked the idea of being Bloomers.  It was a totally apt and enticing term.  Fun, lively, taking them forward.  Their own word.  Lekker!”

The most noticeable initiative?  Giving elderly people their dignitary and meaning in life back.

“Wasn’t it indeed a time to plant a new society for the oldies?  Take them out of their glass cabinets.  They’re not only feel-good ornaments.  Sad old hug machines. They aren’t the moth-balled walking-dead.  Take them out of their pre-coffins.  Cultivate everything that would add value to their lives.  Believe in agency.” 

It was an eye-opener to read about Maggie and her friends’ thoughts about their senior years.  Honest, and enlightening.

“Mags continued: “I know it might look disrespectful for people to be standing among the gravestones but, to be honest, we old folk look at gravestones as our welcome mat to the next world and let’s not pretend we are heading anywhere else.  Applies to all of us, of course, but we’re just a lot closer to it than you are.””

“When had they started to talk about booking into a retirement place?  Was it in their early sixties?  Starting to worry about places being full? Peer pressure? Turning the dimmer switch on their lives.”

“Old age homes are, sadly, a pre-coffin portal, with stays of varied duration – often wheel-chaired in and usually gurneyed out to a discreetly parked black van.  Long-term residents could quickly categorise the newbies in terms of the three M’s – mobility, marbles, and months left.”

“At the end, when Christiane invited her to address old people directly, she had looked the camera in the eye and said, “Don’t be so scared of protecting your future that you can’t live in the present.  You only have one life and only one body; don’t check yourself out of joy.””

Marvelous Maggie doesn’t just take on the cause of agency for the elderly, but other social ails as well.

“I said it’s time for people to unmute their strong feelings or horror or anger fundamental causes.  Evils like those to do with racism, not one race, that’s a label, don’t like it but it’s a label.  Racism is evil. And treating women like ‘things’ to be relied upon, or often just used and discarded, or cruelly raped and murdered.  Unmute.  That’s what we must do!”

I giggled, I laughed, and I cried a bit as well.  Because love will always find you.

“Maggie was surprised to find her heart flipping.  At 70 you think that’s all over.  You’re too creaky, too selfish, too afraid of infirmity, too focused on staving off dependency, too focused on your unreliable knees and your wobbles on the stairs.  Too farty.”

“Stories aren’t bookended by Januaries and Decembers.  We aren’t movie directors who can shriek, “Stop it right there!  This is my feel-good moment.  The pinnacle.” There might be a defined start but there isn’t an end.”

What a joy!

With thanks to Helco Promotions and Modjadi Books for the opportunity to read this book.

The Details

  • PUBLICATION DATE February 2023
  • GENRE Fiction, novel
  • PAGES 292
  • ISBN  978-1-928433-49-1

About the Author:

Like Maggie, the protagonist of Bloomer, Anne Schlebusch, is 70 years old. This deft author is no stranger to writing though, having been a co-author of language textbooks and a curriculum guide. She has written three Young Adult novels, becoming a 1995 Joint Winner of the “Young Africa Award” with one of them. In 2020 her short story was longlisted in the Kwela Corona Competition. After completing her MPhil in Applied Language Studies (cum laude) at UCT in 1995, Anne left teaching to join the Western Cape Education Department and concluded her long and illustrious career with a decade as Director of Business Strategy for the WCED. She lives in Cape Town with her family, which includes children, grandchildren, cats, and dogs.