About the book
(Blurb from Penguin Random House SA)
It was one of the most searing images of the twentieth century: two young boys, two princes, walking behind their mother’s coffin as the world watched in sorrow – and horror. As Diana, Princess of Wales, was laid to rest, billions wondered what the princes must be thinking and feeling – and how their lives would play out from that point on.
For Harry, this is that story at last.
With its raw, unflinching honesty, Spare is a landmark publication full of insight, revelation, self-examination, and hard-won wisdom about the eternal power of love over grief.
Prince Harry wishes to support British charities with donations from his proceeds from Spare. The Duke of Sussex has donated $1,500,000 to Sentebale, an organisation he founded with Prince Seeiso in their mothers’ legacies, which supports vulnerable children and young people in Lesotho and Botswana affected by HIV/AIDS. Prince Harry will also donate to the non-profit organisation WellChild in the amount of £300,000. WellChild, which he has been Royal patron of for fifteen years, makes it possible for children and young people with complex health needs to be cared for at home instead of hospital, wherever possible.
My Thoughts
My ThoughtsI distinctly remember, when I was in standard two (grade four), I had a scrapbook, with every single page filled with magazine clippings (looking at you, Huisgenoot) of “Lady Di”. At that young age, this real-life princess, with her shy smile and gorgeous outfits, made me believe in fairy tales. I even asked my Mom to take me to the hairdresser, to cut my long, thick hair short, Princess Diana style. (Of course, having curly dark hair, it wasn’t very successful). I had no idea of the heartache behind that glamourous façade. Another memory is, years later when I left school and university already, waking up and switching on the television to the news of Princess Diana’s death. I remember the visions of that tunnel in Paris, brightly light and surrounded by police – and the media. Thinking, “what is happening here”? And more recently, watching every single episode of “The Crown” the moment a new season is released. Can you say that I’ve been fascinated by the life of the British Royals? Well, maybe? Do I question (now that I’m deep into adulthood, with my personal awareness at it’s optimum and having personally lived through and witnessed regime changes, the horror of human right violations, etc.) what the use of the British Monachy is – absolutely.
Was I keen to read “Spare”? I had very mixed feelings, starting out. And now that I finished reading it, maybe even more so – but for different reasons.
Prince Harry tells his story of his life experiences, up to now, in three parts, short chapters. The first part dealing with his childhood and the stage where he lost his mother, the second mainly deals with his life in the military and young adulthood, and part three shares how he met Megan, and possibly the final cracks in his relationship with his close family. I don’t know if I must be brave enough to admit it, but admittedly, I did initially buy into the idea that Megan is/was Yoko Ono. He absolutely adores her, and that she came into his life just when he needed it most.
“Hey … I know you.
But also: I need to know you.
Hey, I’ve known you forever.
But also: I’ve been searching for you forever.
Hey, thank God you’ve arrived.
But also: What took you so long?”
Wherever you stand w.r.t your feelings about the Royals, it is very hard for your heart not to break for this young, sheltered boy, having to deal with the unexpected loss of his mother at such a young age. Having to walk, for kilometres, in full view of the entire world, behind your mother’s casket. Seeing the world grieve, but not having the mental capacity and support, to deal with that distressing event yourself.
“I remember the mounds of flowers all around us. I remember feeling unspeakable sorrow and yet being unfailingly polite. I remember old ladies saying: Oh, my, how polite, the poor boy! I remember muttering thanks, over and over, thank you for coming, thank you for saying that, thank you for camping out here for several days. I remember consoling several folks who were prostrate, overcome, as if they knew Mummy, but also thinking: You didn’t, though. You act as if you did…but you didn’t know her.”
The grief, trauma and guilt that has been following him for the rest of his life, whilst living in an emotionally stunted and dysfunctional family.
“She’d called early in the evening, the night of the crash, but I was running around with Willy and my cousins and didn’t want to stop playing. So I’d been short with her. Impatient to get back to my games, I’d rushed Mummy off the phone. I wished I’d apologized for it. I wished I’d searched for the words to describe how much I loved her.”
He shares how, for years, never mentioned her death, but rather her “disappearance”, as if she was simply hiding away at a secret location, to return at any time, coming to fetch him and William (Willy) and taking them away from it all. When that realisation finally hit, it was heart-breaking on every single level.
“Besides, I wasn’t crying because I believed my mother was in that hole. Or in that coffin. I promised myself I’d never believe that, no matter what anyone said. No, I was crying at the mere idea. It would just be so unbelievably tragic, I thought, if it was actually true.”
With the release of this book, there were numerous “scandalous” moments and quotes released by the media. Is that just the publicity machine? I personally found it quite laughable that some were so “outraged” at the “heir and a spare” concept. It has been the way the Royal family handles succession for hundreds of years – it is not new. Whilst I fully empathise with what it did to young Prince Harry, to feel that he is only there to live in the shadow of his older brother and that his life, in some way, has “lesser” value, it unfortunately is a reality of Royal life. Which doesn’t make it easier or acceptable in any way though.
“Is each generation doomed to unwittingly repeat the sins of the last?”
The same goes for being born into that life of baffling privilege. Are you then “owned” by the people – especially if they fund your entire existence?
“It wasn’t that she felt no emotions. On the contrary, I always thought that Granny experienced all the normal human emotions. She just knew better than the rest of us mortals how to control them.”
As a public figure, where is your right to privacy? Where does “the public need to know” and responsible reporting stop, and shameless pursuit and harassment ends? He recalls the known incident where they were in his mother’s car, trying desperately to escape the paparazzi.
His hateful and angry relationship with the media and paparazzi, as well as his love for his mother and respect and awe for his granny, is a respective theme throughout the book. It did and does shape his life, as we can imagine.
“I wish I could recall specifically what we talked about. I wish I’d asked more questions, and jotted down her answers. She’d been the War Queen. She’d lived at Buckingham Palace while Hitler’s bombs rained from the skies. (Nine direct hits on the Palace.) She’d dined with Churchill, wartime Churchill. She’d once possessed a Churchillian eloquence of her own. She was famous for saying that, no matter how bad things got, she’d never, ever leave England, and people loved her for it. I loved her for it. I loved my country, and the idea of declaring you’d never leave struck me as wonderful.”
I was pleasantly surprised by his love and devotion to the military though. It takes up most of part two of the book, and some may say that it is too detailed and long-winded. I believe it is so, because that is his true passion in life. Where he found purpose for a while. Unfortunately, due to media interference, him being deployed to Afghanistan was cut short because details about his position and location was exposed, and with that, came the explicit threat of being personally targeted, as well as those around him.
“Question: How do you stop being a soldier, when a soldier is all you’ve ever been or wanted to be? Answer: You don’t. Even when you stop being a soldier, you don’t have to stop being a soldier. Ever.”
He is human, and made some horrid and cringy judgement calls. He is honest and humble about those mistakes, and honestly talks about his years of drug and alcohol abuse.
“He assured me that people do stupid things, say stupid things, but it doesn’t need to be their intrinsic nature. I was showing my true nature, he said, by seeking to atone. Seeking absolution.”
But also his very sheltered life, growing up. Where do you learn life and coping skills? Where do you get help for mental health issues in a family (Royal or not) who would rather throw you under the bus and look the other way?
“I’d been forced into this surreal state, this unending Truman Show in which I almost never carried money, never owned a car, never carried a house key, never once ordered anything online, never received a single box from Amazon, almost never traveled on the Underground. (Once, at Eton, on a theater trip.) Sponge, the papers called me. But there’s a big difference between being a sponge and being prohibited from learning independence.”
But again, this revelation is not “shocking”, we all know that the Royals’ every step is being choreographed and polished. Sharing what’s happening behind the scenes and dangerously co-dependent relationship with the media.
He eludes to the fact that changes are needed with regards to the monarchy, but never full denounce it. His relationship with his family, is quite messy, like family relationships often are. But, it isn’t always exposed for the world to see.
“My emotions are complicated on this subject, naturally, but my bottom-line position isn’t. I’ll forever support my Queen, my Commander in Chief, my Granny. Even after she’s gone. My problem has never been with the monarchy, or the concept of monarchy. It’s been with the press and the sick relationship that’s evolved between it and the Palace. I love my Mother Country, and I love my family, and I always will. I just wish, at the second-darkest moment of my life, they’d both been there for me. And I believe they’ll look back one day and wish they had too.”
“Spare” is filled with personal anecdotes and is a bit repetitive. It is well-written and very readable though. I do want to believe that Prince Harry is a good person, and appreciates that fact that he does use his position (when allowed to) to continue charitable projects and contributions, much like his mother did.
He is also not perfect, and there are some problematic areas – like the “white savior” complex and his love for “Africa”.
So why did he do this? Why plead for privacy and then go on a book tour and expose your life in a memoir? Maybe because it is for a change his opportunity to control the narrative? To provide personal insight and gain empathy. Is that so bad?
“Grief is a thing best shared.”
Biographies and memoirs are very personal, and it is a story told from a very specific point of view. It is unfair to say that the specific person is over-sensitive and whiney, or using this medium only to ‘air grievances’, as some has said about “Spare”? Prince Harry experiences his life, and that of his family, as only he can. And yes, due to a life of royal privilege, so much more that any of us ever has experienced or have been exposed to, there definitely are some (problematic?) blind spots in his views. Is he a relatable and reliable narrator? Can we lambaste him for it? I don’t think it is fair – the best to hope for is for healing and growth.
“In a lifetime of existential crises, this was a bugger. Who are you when you can no longer be the thing you’ve always been, the thing you’ve trained to be?”
With thanks to Penguin Random House SA for the opportunity to read this book.
The Details
ISBN 9780857504791
Format Hardback
Recommended Price R550.00
Published January 2023
